Watching House

House starts with a fitness trainer making a commercial. A heavy man stumbles and she tells him to take a little break. She then helps him climb to the top again and he makes it. She suddenly looks strange and passes out, falling down a number of bleachers.

House is getting into the elevator and Cuddy jumps in with the file for the trainer. House takes it willingly but Cuddy walks along with him and says that she’s using his office because her office was destroyed and he was responsible for it.

House goes into the conference room and Taub says that Thirteen is starting her clinical trials today. They ask what Cuddy’s doing in his office.

House: Other than throwing out the feng shui with her ass that faces all eight sides of the bagwa at once…
Cuddy: These walls aren’t soundproof.
House: I’m well aware!

They’re looking at the patient and Taub thinks that it’s steroids because of how well toned she is.

House: Wow – muscles and curves. My penis is so confused!

The rest of the episode below the break!

Cuddy starts “backseat differentialating” and even goes into the conference room, so House and Taub and Kutner leave.

Cut to Thirteen waiting to go in for the trial and she sees a patient who is twitching – she has flashbacks of her mother doing the same thing. (is that Lori Petty?)

The POtW is using an arm exercise machine when she passes out again.

Thirteen is doing clinical tests with Foreman. She’s feeling guilty about having the trial spot when Foreman says that due to the tests he’s run, he knows that her nerves are starting to degenerate.

Back in House’s office, Cuddy’s playing with House’s ball! He comes in and says that they’ll split the desk with Cuddy (this should be interesting). The ducklings show House the result and Kutner believes it’s a carcenoid tumor.

While they’re MRI’ing the woman, Kutner explains that he’s set up a website where he can answer questions from people who send in their symptoms. He then says that he’s set the site up under Dr. Gregory House’s name – and Taub threatens to expose him, unless he cuts him in for 30%.

Kutner: That’s blackmail.
Taub: Yes it is.

They find out that the patient’s stomach is the size of a shot glass.

They find a picture of her when she was very heavy and talk about her having had gastric bypass. House is trying to make Cuddy miserable, but she’s holding up rather well.

House decides to walk to the trial area where Thirteen and Foreman are in order to diagnose the patient. They now believe that the patient is sick due to the gastric bypass and want to test her stool.

The patient is talking to Taub and says that she did what she felt she had to do, in regards to the bypass surgery, that nothing had worked before, but that once she got the surgery she got healthy and happy.

Taub: Being healthy didn’t make you happy, being pretty did. No poop in the bed pan.

Cuddy’s in her broken down office and Wilson is there saying that Cuddy only took the office to get closer to House.

Taub and Kutner are testing the patient’s stool when House checks the poop by dropping it in water to see if it floats. It doesn’t, so now they’re going to test to see if she has sleep apnea. Kutner and Taub are in the sleep lab discussing a patient who says that she’s fatigued after having a leaky breast implant, and if he doesn’t tell her why he’s sick she’s going to the licensing board.

The patient disappears from the sleep lab and is running on a treadmill – on a broken leg – which is bleeding, and she doesn’t feel it at all.

All of the ducklings are back diagnosing and Cuddy’s in her office and has stunk up the office before she leaves – she’s cunning. Now they’re diagnosing and Foreman has to go back to the trial – Thirteen says she’ll be down in a bit. They’re trying to figure out if the patient’s problems is in the brain or the nerves.

The POtW is trying to raise her arm for Taub and she can’t – which means that it’s a muscle problem. Foreman looks for Thirteen and she’s not there.

Taub and Kutner are in the elevator when a woman is in there with them – she says she’s going to the ER due to joint pain and fatigue due to her breasts, and that her hair is falling out. Taub and Kutner redirect her to the ER in order to avoid House.

Back to House, who has decided to sabotage Cuddy’s office.

Taub: I don’t think sabotaging your bosses office is a wise counter attack.
House: All that is needed for evil to succeed is for good men to do nothing.

He picks up a sledge hammer and slams the toilet with it.

Thirteen goes home and finds Foreman in her apartment. He was trying to figure out if she was skipping out on her medications but she’s been following everything to the letter. It turns out that she has been avoiding the clinic in order to avoid seeing patients who have begun having nerve breakdowns. She flash backs to when her mother was leaving and she didn’t go to say goodbye.

They’ve decided that there were no toxins in the body due to antibiotics that haven’t worked. They’re diagnosing on the stairs because Cuddy took all of the furniture out of the office thanks to House’s little stunt.

House: Cuddy overreacted to my overreaction.

Kutner and Taub both get beeped and House seems curious. They now think that it’s a condition called Guillain-Barre.

In the ER Taub and Kutner’s patient is singing “she put the lime in the coconut” and Cameron is trying to help. The woman is also bleeding out of the ear and Cameron wants them to get House.

Taub tells the patient what she has and makes her get up and walk down to where she’s got to go. Meanwhile Kutner is trying to bounce things off of Cameron and Chase instead of telling House. Kutner thinks that she’s got a biliary tumor – Chase agrees to check for it, for 25% of his income.

House is in Wilson’s office and he says that he’s got the contractor believing that he’s Cuddy’s boss and that all the renovations have to go through him. He’s got the blueprint and is messing with it, including having a biday put in instead of a toilet.

House: Want to know what happened to the toilet? I smashed it with a sledge hammer.
Wilson: I think in some ancient cultures that was actually considered a proposal of marriage.

Back to the POtW where a bunch of her patients come in and say that they know about her bypass and they’re sitting on her and crushing her – she wakes up screaming “get off of me”.

House is in his conference room laying on the floor. Thirteen heads out to treatment and leaves the rest of them diagnosing. There is no furniture in House’s office either, where Cuddy is and is trying to be invasive and wants House to rule out other things before he does a brain biopsy.

He goes into his office.

House: You’re not stopping me for medical reasons. You’re stopping me because you have the hots for me.
Cuddy: You’re still here because you have the hots for me.

House: Why are you dressed like that? Why are you trying so hard to get my attention? Are you screwing with me?
Cuddy: Are you screwing with me?
House: That depends on your answer.

Cuddy says that everyone knows that this is going somewhere, and that they’re supposed to kiss now. House says that they already did that and grabs her breast instead.

House: Seemed like the logical next step.
Cuddy: Really? I’m an idiot for being surprised.

Thirteen goes into the trial and the patient she saw before is there again. (Looks like Lori Petty!) Foreman says he can’t change the time because his schedule is full. She flashes back again to her mother in the car, and she won’t go. Thirteen goes over to the patient and helps her to put her jacket on.

Taub and POtW are in the hallway and she’s in a wheelchair – she wants a chocolate cake. He says that she can’t give up but then takes her for cake (note: the scene where he gets her cake isn’t in the show, but there is a picture of it - weird).

House is back in his office and the furniture is back. House asks Taub if he liked cheating – he says that he liked it, but was miserable “deep down”. House disagrees and says that Taub gave up something in order to get something more. Taub wants to know if he should go to Cuddy for permission for the brain biopsy but House says that he’ll do the brain biopsy. When they go into the patient’s room, however, she’s up stretching.

House is trying to diagnose POtW again and Taub says that she had chocolate cake. Taub and House go into the room and House brings with him some chocolate cake. He diagnoses her with hereditary coproporophyria. He says that her body doesn’t have a certain type of enzyme and that the cure is to give her the gastric bypass and to put her on a high carb, high caloric diet. She doesn’t want the surgery, but there is a drug that can help to manage the symptoms that she wants instead.

House: I understand –there’s not many people who would admit that they’d rather be pretty than healthy.

Taub and Kutner are downstairs and the patient isn’t there. The nurse says that the patient coded and that she died. Cuddy notices that the desk in her new office is her desk from med school – that it was at her mother’s house but her mother had no idea she was redoing her office. She smiles.

Thirteen tells Foreman that she wasn’t upset about the woman in the waiting room due to her future, but rather due to her past, because she wanted her mother to die because she yelled so much for no reason. That she hated her and that she never said goodbye. Foreman hugs her.

In the morgue the tattooed boob patient is on the slab.

Taub: House is gonna kill us.
House: Slowly and painfully.

House says that the treatment is simple and that it might still be possible – she gets on her chest and pumps it and she starts breathing and wakes up. He admits that it was all a set up and that Chase and Cameron played along. Kutner says he’ll stop the business but House says it’s a lucrative one, and that he wants 50% of the profit.

The woman (obviously a hooker) says that house still has three full hours left – when Cuddy goes to the office to thank House for her desk, she sees the woman talking to House and leaves.