Watching House

Sorry I was a day late on this episode - it was a great one! Here’s the recap I promised - let me know what you thought of the show!

First scene is the doctor on the soap drinking before he does surgery – House must love that! The actor passes out and blood is coming from his mouth, but he’s faking and gets up as soon as the director calls cut. He walks out, signs some autographs, and gets into his limo, which pulls off in the wrong direction. He talks to the limo driver who then locks the door and looks in the rearview mirror.

Actor: What do you want?
House: An autograph picture would be nice. Oh, and I’m also going to save your life.

The actor tries to get out but House pulls away. Great start to the show!

Cuddy is dealing with a hospital inspector who is there a month ahead of his planned visit when the actor’s limo pulls up to the entrance she and the inspector are standing in. House hops out and, with a jaunty little wave, gets the actor out of the car while Cuddy pulls the inspector away.

The actor says that he’ll forget everything if House just lets him go.

House: That’s probably true, seeing as you have a brain tumor.
Actor: You’re that nut job doctor that keeps calling my publicist.
House: Actually, I’m the nut job head of diagnostic medicine.

The rest is below the cut!

House tells the actor that the reason he believes he has a brain tumor is because his speech has slowed and he’s pausing between every seven and nine words, which means that he is having a hard time reading the teleprompter because his peripheral vision is off. He tells him that he just wants to do one test, and then, if he’s wrong, he’ll take them home.

Cuddy briefs her team about the inspector and then asks Foreman, Chase, and Cameron why House was driving a limo.

Foreman: Don’t know.
Cameron: Don’t have to know.
Chase: Don’t care.

Cuddy tells them that due to the inspection they’re back on House-watch. Chase says no and walks off. Cuddy says that Cameron has the best files in the hospital and asks that she and Foreman gets the past and current case files together.

Foreman: He doesn’t have a current case.
Cuddy: Did he tell you about the limo?

The soap star, also named Evan Greer, is doing a test with House to discover where his blind spots are. House is quizzing him about spoilers of the show.

Evan: How can you watch that stuff?
House: Cause it’s awesome.
Evan: It’s preposterous. Not one real moment since I’ve been on the show.
House: Suppose the show’s supposed to represent the world exactly the way it is like…can’t think of any.

The vision test is fine and Evan heads out the door, while Foreman, who is the one who let it slip that the test was fine, seems shocked that House actually kidnapped him!

Wilson finds House in the hallway and he’s limping because his back hurts due to “Amber’s damn mattress�?. Wilson and House catch the actor in the elevator and House sticks him with some pharmaceutical and he drops, while House just keeps talking about how Amber is going to lie and cheat in order to manipulate any situation to get what she wants (talking about getting a new mattress).

Taub and 13 are doing the MRI and Taub actually recognizes the actor!! 13 finds no tumors and the actor wakes up in the MRI.

Taub: And what should we tell him?
House: See if you can talk him out of suing me.

(I think that’s the first time House has EVER been worried about being sued!)

Evan goes off on Taub and 13 and then goes off on Dr. Cuddy before he actually stumbles because his foot goes numb. He can’t walk! Haven’t they learned yet that House is ALWAYS right?

The ducklings are diagnosing while Cameron is getting his files together in the desk in the room. Taub thinks that House did something in order to make the foot numb, while Cameron pipes up that it could be a pinched nerve from when House drugged him and he fell. He sends Kutner off to do the test and Cameron says that the rest of the ducklings can help her with filing, while he goes off to do “research�? (with a DVD of the show in his hands).

Kutner is doing the test on Evan and they’re talking about his life as a soap star. He says that at least Kutner gets to go home and be proud of what he’s done during the day, while he doesn’t, and that he wants to be part of something inspiring. Kutner tells him to quit, but Evan says its not that easy.

House is in the staff lounge checking out Evan’s acting on the big flatscreen TV (God I want one of those…and throw in a Hugh Laurie look-alike sitting on my couch too and I’ll be all set!) Looks like House dragged the ducklings into the lounge to do research with him! HA!

Taub: It did seem a little forced. Could be a stiffening of the tongue.
13: It’s not the tongue, it’s the dialogue. I think I dated that nurse though…(looks closer at the nurse while House looks on in surprise)…no.

Foreman notices that he’s holding his stethoscope a little oddly but before they can discuss it further, Cuddy interrupts and pulls House away. She tells him that he needs to do this when the inspector isn’t there.

House: You want the star of the hottest daytime soap to die in your hospital?
Cuddy: No, I want you to cure him without committing any more felonies.
House: I can’t do my job if you’re going to tie my hands like that…

Cuddy asks him to tone it down for a few days and House asks for the flatscreen TV in the lounge (looks like he wants one too!). House now thinks that it’s a toxin problem and says that they need to search the house and the dressing room.

Amber and Wilson are testing mattresses. Amber starts manipulating the sales clerk in order to get the price of the mattress lowered, even going so far as to tell him that there is a baby on the way. When he leaves, she gets a 911 call “from work�? (where is she working now?), and tells Wilson that he can buy whatever mattress he wants…this sounds bad…

House is in Evan’s dressing room and is “accepting�? his Golden Globe (MWA HA HA) when the phone rings. Wilson is calling and telling House that Amber’s letting him choose the bed. House tells him that it’s a trap and that it means “if you love me, you’ll pick the bed I want�?. House ends the conversation when he sees the actress that plays the nurse and he follows her. She tells him that while the character drinks on the show, Evan doesn’t, and that the alcohol bottles in his dressing room are gifts from fans. He starts talking about her character and she questions him.

Nurse: Are you really a doctor?
House: Glioblastoma. Need more proof?

The nurse says that she and Evan went out on a few dates, but that they never had sex. They made out a bit, then he would say he should go home. House looks at the seed that he confiscated from Evan’s dressing room (that he loves to eat a lot of) and heads back to PPH where he tells the ducklings that Evan is impotent due to the toxicity he got from eating too many sunflower seeds. Cameron, meanwhile, says that just because he didn’t salute doesn’t mean he can’t. He starts to ask 13 to show Evan her boobs then stops.

House: I’ve gotta find a decent set of knockers around here.
Cameron: Your porn’s in the second drawer.

House gives Evan a pornographic magazine while 13 and Kutner are monitoring from another room. 13 and Kutner are talking and she says that she’s not happy in her job. Meanwhile Evan goes into cardiac arrest.

The ducklings are trying to diagnose again while Cameron is trying to get house to sign paperwork and she comes up with a possible diagnosis.

House: You want to be here.
Cameron: I have to be here.
House: Just say the word, I’ll fire 13.
Cameron: Just sign the forms.
House: Smart move. I was bluffing.

Her diagnosis of Grave’s disease is a possibility, and House tells them to destroy his thyroid, but Cameron says they should do a thyroid test first before they destroy it. Foreman, however, says that House is right.

House: Seriously? I mean I am, but you think so?

Foreman, meanwhile, tells the ducklings in the hallway that they should do the test – he just manipulated the master manipulator!

Cuddy finds House in the morgue, where he’s stashed food. He’s trying to manipulate Cuddy into giving him the tv right before the inspector is coming into the morgue.

House: We need a safe word so you can signal your unconditional surrender. Call me Sweet Sauce.

House introduces himself to the inspector, who arrives quick, fast, and in a hurry.

Inspector: I’ve heard your name.
House: Most people have. It’s also a noun. I sometimes come down here to relax, unwind, grab a…
Cuddy: Sweet Sauce.
House: It’s a nickname.
Cuddy: An ironic nickname.

House then leaves and advises the inspector to skip the drawer he’d hidden the food in, telling him that it’s a floater who’d been in the river for a week.

Back to House’s office where the pretty and beautiful flat screen is getting mounted on his wall when Cameron comes in.

Cameron: Doesn’t the doctor’s lounge have that same TV?
House: Nope. It has a 12 inch…exactly like the one that used to be in here.

She tells him that the files are done and admits that she misses running around, being a private investigator, and fixing the puzzles. He tells her that he’ll fire 13 or Kutner, if she thinks 13 is hot, but she tells him that she doesn’t miss him.

Kutner and Taub are doing the thyroid test with Evan when Taub says that his job as a plastic surgeon used to be shallow and meaningless, but that the truth was he loved every boob job. Evan asks if he’s happier now. Taub tells him that its complicated.

Kutner says that Evan’s thyroid looks normal, except that the screen is extremely bright, and that his body isn’t filtering the iodine because his kidneys are failing.

Foreman and Taub tell House about the test, and he’s not happy that Foreman went behind his back. He would rather he have stood up to him as he usually does. Taub says that the symptoms are pointing to an auto-immune disorder and that they need to run ANA’s for auto-immune. House tells them to start measuring everything in order to make sure that everything is in compliance with the hospital guidelines.

Wilson and Amber are going at it when they hit the mattress. Amber, however, seems disappointed that Wilson bought the firm mattress that Amber wanted. She says that she left it up to him because he was supposed to get the one he wanted, but since she got the one she wanted, he did the wrong thing. She says that he did that with his ex-wives and ended up resenting them, and that she can take care of herself but that she needs him to take care of him (WOW! She may be onto something! Go Amber…that was a first LOL)

House visits Evan in his room to do some tests and asks if he’s as miserable as everyone seems to think he is.

Evan: I just want to do something that matters.
House: Nothing matters. We’re all just cockroaches. Wildebeasts dying in the riverbank. Nothing has any lasting meaning.

House gives a beautiful speech, saying that Evan is afraid to take a chance and change because he wants to hold out for hope, but “hope is for sissies�?. Basically saying that instead of waiting for something to happen, you have to make it happen. Evan says that when he gets out of the hospital he’s going to set things right.

Evan: I’m going to start by being a better father to you…and to your sister..and to your other sister…

He’s reciting the lines from his last season’s episode! He has a fever and is delusional and believes that he is Dr. Brock Sterling! Interesting…

The fever rules out autoimmune disease and now he’s in a coma due to the fever. They’re trying to identify which infection caused the fever, when Foreman says it may be a fungus instead. House goes to the mattress store, trying to diagnose the situation, with Wilson, who is trying to choose which one he truly wants. He finally says that he wants a waterbed – that he’s always wanted one. House is talking to Wilson when he looks on the pillow case and sees a sunflower.

Wilson: Amber will think its stupid.
House: It is stupid. Live the dream, Wilson.

He goes back to the hospital and says that Evan’s allergic reaction that triggered allergic vasculitis. Chrysanthimum’s were in his dressing room and House believes that he’s allergic to them. House tries to get the drugs from the pharmacy and goes back himself to get them when the tech won’t hand them over unless he gets a written order from Cuddy. House goes into Evan’s room in order to give the drugs when Cuddy says that the drugs will OD him. Cuddy tells him that he needs to get a confirmation with blood, as per protocol, before he can give the meds.

House: If you think I’m wrong, tell me I’m wrong. Don’t blame protocol.
Cuddy: My job’s on the line. Your job is on the line.

House tells her to wait three minutes and call security in order to cover her ass and to still save the patient.

Cuddy: If he dies, let me know – so I can pack my things.

Cuddy goes to House’s office and tells him that the patient is negative for all floral allergies and then heads to the elevator to put him back on antibiotics…if he’s still alive. House looks as though he’s in shock.

The patient, meanwhile, is sitting up in his bed and talking when Cuddy and House gets there.

Foreman: It was an allergy.
House: To what?
Evan: Thank you.
House: I was wrong. You should’ve stopped me.

The inspector corners Cuddy.

Inspector: The rules exist because 95% of the time, for 95% of the people, they’re the right thing to do.
Cuddy: And the other 5%?
Inspector: Have to live by the same rules – because everybody thinks they’re in that 5%.

Cut to Amber who’s sleeping on a waterbed, but Wilson isn’t there? He, instead, is sleeping on the floor because he can’t sleep and hates the waterbed. He tells her that he’s returning it tomorrow, and she says “okay�?, but that she’s glad he got it.

House is watching the show on his flatscreen in his office and pauses it to call Cuddy, who is sleeping. She tells him that they got a $200,000 fine. He discovers that the actor got sick after he began drinking gin and tonics…the gin was fake, but the tonic was real, and that tonic water is loaded with quinine. Cuddy says she’s taking back the TV.

House: The contract clearly stated “no taksie-backsie’s�?.
Cuddy: Night House.
House: What are you wearing?
Cuddy: Good night House.
House: Good night Cuddy.