Watching House

A guy walking on the street – he gets mugged by two young men. He sasses the men, refusing to give his wallet, and suddenly has a coughing fit. One of the men has an attack of conscious and called the ambulance.

House is back, with his remaining fellows, in the lecture hall, discussing the new patient. Cuddy and FOREMAN walk in! Cutthroat bitch is worried about having one less slot. Cuddy tells them that Foreman is her eyes and ears.

House: Just in case I need them – where exactly will Dr. Foreman be keeping my balls?

House says that he’s going to make Foreman miserable so that he’ll quit.

Foreman: I already am miserable.

Find out what happens below the break!

They’re testing the man and he’s got two new symptoms – abdominal pain and a numb foot. Meanwhile Chase is holding a betting pool on which candidate will get cut next! The patient collapses in the hallway, and Foreman tells House that the patient has Munchousen’s syndrome – he’s copying the symptoms his neighbors have. House, however, notices that the patient is wearing a lab coat and diagnoses Mirror syndrome – which means that his brain is damaged and that it fills up with anything he sees.

House, the genius, takes the patient into one of Wilson’s surgeries. The patient immediately starts copying Wilson and House notices that something is strange on his hand. He takes the glove off and cuts him – he doesn’t bleed.

House: His blood’s turned to sludge. We don’t warm him up, he’s gonna die. You can’t fake that.

House says that there’s an infection, that his blood gets thick when he feels a breeze. The patient begins to mimick the doctors. Amber draws his blood and he says:

“If they don’t like you you gotta be right, or you’re not worth anything.�?

Plastic surgeon guy finds a lesion on his liver. House gets Wilson, but his fellows are all in the Clinic, where they’re trying to move people out, due to House telling all of the people in the cafeteria that the mayonnaise was spoiled that they ate (he’s trying to annoy Cuddy)

The male intern does a liver biopsy and the patient mimicks him.

“You think everything’s okay as long as you don’t think about it – don’t deal with it.�?

There was a black puss in his liver, and when the doctor tells House what’s going on, he tells House that he wants to go back to the third world country, but House says he’ll be miserable anywhere he goes.

House: The goal in life isn’t to eliminate misery – it’s to keep misery to the minimum.
House: Someone’s going to be miserable sometime – just accept it. That’s how I stay happy.

Kutner and cutthroat bitch are taking his blanket off and his entire body is starting to look like his hand did in the operating room – the heating blanket didn’t keep him warm enough.

The intern who was leaving says that he’s staying because he spoke to his fiancé (who can’t leave the area they’re in). House comes up with the idea of finding out what antibodies he’s built up in order to find out what diseases he’s had and where he’s been.

Cameron tells Foreman that he’s not miserable – he should be, but he’s not. Meanwhile Foreman’s drawing mirror boy’s spinal fluid.

“I don’t just like new, I gotta have new. If it’s not there, I make it there.�?

Cuddy is found by Wilson in House’s office, replacing his vicodin stash with laxatives. Apparently Cuddy got to some of House’s pills other than the ones in his office, because we next see House coming out of the bathroom.

The rash returns – the hot tub isn’t hot enough to keep the blood from becoming sludge, so House wants to heat up the body from the inside out. Cuddy tells House that he’s not going to induce a fever – he asks if she’s going to fire him, and she says no and lets him go. House catches on to the fact that she’s trying to look like she’s giving in so that she can get her way with Foreman.

House: War doesn’t end until Foreman’s gone.
Dr. Cuddy: Foreman’s not going anywhere.
House: And I know when my Vicodin isn’t Vicodin. Do you know when your birth control pills aren’t birth control pills?

Foreman starts hanging out with mirror boy, and discovers a few things about himself.

Foreman: You’re happy?
Patient: Why wouldn’t I be?

He then goes into cardiac arrest. Kutner tries to shock him and, because the patient is a bit wet, shocks himself and lands on the floor.

House tells Foreman that he got him a job at another hospital. Foreman declines it! House is in a state of shock – so am I LOL.

They discovers who the patient is – he stops 13 and asks her why she went instead of staying. He believes it’s because she doesn’t want to be around the mirror patient. He takes her into the patient’s room, where he’s having a heart biopsy, in order to have the patient mirror her. Slight problem – Wilson said earlier that Mirror syndrome patients mimick those who they believe to be in charge, so he tells 13 that she’s incredibly hot.

House dresses up in the clothes they found in his car in order to try to learn more about him. The patient takes the tube of stuff they found in the car and puts it under his nose because it “doesn’t smell like dung�?.

Turns out he’s a man who sells farm equipment to pig farmers. This gave him an infection. Two of the interns go to give him the meds, but Foreman stops then and asks where Cuddy is.

House and Cuddy are in the room in order to see who is the more dominant. The patient remarks.

“Shut up – you have great yabbas.�?

House tells the interns that they all suck, but that no one is fired. Foreman figures out that House is getting a cut from Chase and asks how much.

House: 50% - how bad do you want to keep your job?