Watching House

And we’re BACK at PPH!!

Show opens with the Writers strike! HA! But it is a nurses strike, not a strike for the writers. A delivery guy shows up and tries to push past a nurse. The nurse says they have a legal right to block the delivery guy for 15 seconds. The large guy next to her tries to calm the delivery guy down and even gives him a hug, before we cut to his eyes rolling over into the back of his head and him passing out.

House is in the ER where Taub is running around. House encounters Cameron, who shoves some charts at him. He doesn’t take them.

House: Wasn’t my fault – the world needs nurses.

House, it turns out, is hiding in the ER because Cuddy wants to find him to send him to the ER. The brilliant, brilliant man. House sees the overweight man sitting on the gurney – the one who fainted.

House : Hey. What’s with the idiot?

House: No.

House is intrigued that the man is not complaining about being there long enough to have 2 meals in front of him. House uses his cane to stomp on the mans foot.

Patient: I’m sure it was an accident.

House: We’ve gotta stop this before it spreads.

The rest of the episode below the cut!

And we’ve got our patient! House’s new team thinks he is ridiculous to think that the patient has a medical problem simply because he is happy. House overrules them and sends them out to do testing and search the home.

House: Taub and 31…

House: Oh – I’m sorry – I thought that either way was good with you.

(nice dig on the lesbian rumor from the last episode)

House is bowling! With a sweet ball too! We’ve cut to a bowling set where our favorite sexy doc is wearing a bowling shirt!

Sweet! He’s bowling with CHASE! Apparently Wilson’s too busy to bowl with him. Poor House.

House: I invited you because bowling isn’t one of the two things guys do by themselves.

House: Other hand.

Chase gives House an idea, telling him a story about how Cameron has one insufferable friend that Chase tells her to see on Thursdays. House then goes to Wilson’s apartment and tells CTB (oops – sorry – Amber) that he wants joint custody of Wilson.

Amber: The man’s crazy!

Wilson: This is his way of trying to deal with it – of accepting us.

Back to the patient – Kutner and Foreman are in his apartment and they discover that he has helped the “needy�? people for a long time. They also discover hydrofluoric acid in his cabinet.

Back to House, who has approached Cuddy (with Amber and Wilson in tow) to act as a sort of King Soloman.

Amber: My boyfriend’s too much of a wuss to make the call for himself – and I mean that with all the love in the world.

Wilson: I’m going to piss off one of them, and they both scare me.

Cuddy, however, pulls out his performance review since she’s got him cornered. Kutner tries to interrupt, but cuddy corners him and says that she will do the ruling on who gets Wilson when if House agrees to do performance reviews on his staff. She then gives Amber what she wants.

House says that the housecleaner’s calcium was normal because he’s got hypercalcemia and convenes with the team in the patients room. House insults his wife and diagnoses Williams syndrome, which means that he has no genes that will make him suspicious.

Apparently Williams syndrome means that you are supposed to have perfect pitch, but he doesn’t. When he’s singing trying to prove that he doesn’t, he has a stroke.

Foreman: You were wrong.

House: Why do people say that with such pleasure. It’s very hurtful.

House gives Kutner his performance review (which was close to sparkling) in the middle of diagnosing the patient. House thinks now that the man has neurosyphillis, so they are running an MRI without contrast. Foreman says that Kutner is only going to do the test because he’s scared of House, not because he believes in the diagnosis. He thinks that House should give a real review so that people can learn where they need help.

House: I don’t think the right time to tell the dog not to pee on the rug is semi-annually.

House: I know you will.

House is playing piano at his apartment when a man shows up selling religion – Wilson and Amber show up during the sale and a minor (funny) confrontation occurs.

Foreman has 13 in House’s office and wants to do a review, that she doesn’t want to hear even though if it’s a good one. Kutner comes in and says that the tests for neurosyphallis was positive.

They ran the tests again and the patient says that all of the tests he had 10 years ago must have been wrong. Kutner asks the wife outside in the hallway if she had an affair on him, and she mutters “no�?, but says that it is really annoying living with someone who is so nice because he reminds her of how nice you should be. She says that he made her a better person, and that he’s not going to change.

Kutner, Foreman, and Taub are having coffee together.

Kutner: How can House be an ass without it being an illness, but niceness is a biological crime?

Taub: Niceness just cost you 5 bucks, being an ass generally turns a profit.

Foreman tries to give Taub his review, but Taub isn’t having any of it. He says that House is using Foreman in order to get out of doing paperwork – he’s screwing with him and the team to piss them off and to keep Foreman in line. Kutner pops up.

Kutner: It’s true. If there’s something wrong with this guy, there’s something wrong with House.

House, meanwhile, is enjoying some martinis with Wilson. Actually, Wilson is drinking and House has coffee. The team calls him
and tells him that the patient is vomiting blood, which means that there is something else wrong. They are ordered to run liver tests. House admits that he is getting Wilson drunk in order to get his Mr. Willy to stop working (ha!) – a little fact he found out from Wilson’s ex-wives.

Kutner, 13, and Taub are running tests in the lab when Kutner says that the test he’s running is positive for syphilis – it’s a test on House’s blood.

House is watching his soaps when the whole team files in. Taub says that the patient has hepatitis and then Foreman tells House that he has syphilis. 13 gives him a bottle of prescription meds and House looks…well…dazed. And then he looks thoughtful.
Cameron and Chase have joined the rest of the crew outside to discuss House. At one point Chase asks Cameron if she slept with House (HA!) – she just stares at him. They are wondering what will happen if he is cured. Chase keeps on her about whether or not she slept with House. He looks supremely pissed.

House goes into Wilsons office but Amber is there and upset that he returned Wilson drunk. She says that she has two choices – to stop seeing Wilson, or to stop House. She says that she’s going to amend the agreement to include penalties, and House ushers her out of the door because she’s on “his time�?.

House was going to tell Wilson something, then decides not to after the confrontation with Amber.

Wilson: I’m not going to tell her.

House: It’s not the same.

Foreman is in House’s office giving him a review (ha). Taub comes in with more tests that aren’t right. Jeff (the patient) yells at his wife when she comes in because she moved his book. Then he had a heart attack!

Back to the drawing board – House gives Kutner the marker to write on the board (wow – just to piss Foreman off LOL).

All of the ducklings are talking about House again (except Taub), and they are surprised that he let the ducklings choose what to do when it came to the patient. They believe that he’s taken the meds and that he no longer cares about anything.
House goes to Wilson and tells him that he has to talk to him about something private – he has to tell SOMEONE. He tells him that the team thinks that he has syphilis, but that he really doesn’t – he swapped the blood samples because he knew they’d check. As he gets better, he gets “nicer�? – Wilson and House are laughing their asses off about it, then they decide to go bowling.

Taub and Kutner are checking out Jeff’s heart and discussing House’s condition as well. Amber comes in and tells them that House doesn’t have syphilis and that she told them because she wants to ruin House’s day.

Kutner leaves the patient in the middle of the test and corners House. Kutner believes that the patient has something called
Shaggis, which he got when he was in Costa Rica.

House: You figured this out because I didn’t have syphilis? *Kutner shrugs* Damn. This should’ve been my epiphany.

House and Kutner tell the wife and patient what is going on, saying that the Shaggis caused his brain to swell which altered his personality.

Patient’s wife: I’m not worried.

House: Neither am I, but that’s because I don’t care.

House walks into Cuddy’s office and hands her the performance reviews. All four of the reviews are exactly the same, and Cuddy takes it. The final review, however, is one for Cuddy.

Jeff is eating his meal and his wife brings ketchup into him. He says it tastes odd but she says it is fine.

Jeff: huh. Guess I don’t like ketchup anymore. Wonder what else I don’t like.

The wife looks worried.

Meanwhile House and Amber are working together to change bed linens – Cuddy’s punishment for them breaking the contract. Wilson, however, is outside of the room with a huge shit-eating grin on his face.

So what do you think of the first House episode in months?!